Posted on January 19th, 2023

Our whole culture is founded upon bypass and distraction.

Avoiding difficult feelings.

We are sold gadgets, lifestyles and experiences to fill the hole inside which so many have: the belief that they are deficient in some way.

Capitalism depends upon dissatisfaction.

And conspiracy narratives thrive amongst those who wish to deny suffering like disease or climate collapse.

They are sadly especially prevalent at those who reject our broken system — but in the shove of rejecting find themselves caught in the whiplash of a denial and numbing out culture. The hardest part of consumer capitalism to escape is escapism.

It’s painful to bear our visceral response to tough situations. Or unprocessed memories.

But emotions are direct data from our psyche and body telling us the impact of our experience. Guidance about our needs and boundaries, designed to inform our choices.

They are to be heeded. As part of our psychic digestion, which creates learning and growth.

So many us have unprocessed emotions from childhood traumas, dramatic or common-place. Horrendous abuse or simply having no one to mirror our emotions safely. From when we were too young to be able make conscious choices about our lives. Or to hold our feelings.

Unprocessed emotions create unconscious beliefs. A child who found their caregivers oblivious to or disinterested in their needs may conclude that “people can’t be trusted”. Or “I’m not ok”.

There’s no way out but through.

If left unresolved, the emotions will persist in alerting us to their existence. Perhaps in the way we flare-up in bad traffic. Or go into panic at a job interview. Or as illness. If buried deep our subconscious, which is, being our fundamental nature, far more intelligent at directing us than our conscious mind, will create situations in our external lives which force us to confront our inner world. Over and over again. Until we get the message.

So don’t fight it, feel it.

Each part of us, marooned in the past and sending signals to the present, simply needs to be met with the compassionate care-giver we needed way back when. We can be that compassionate presence. With the support of a friend or therapist.

This is the basis of skillful meditation or therapeutic work.

Learning to meet, with love, empathy and understanding the parts of ourselves which we feel believe deserve it least but who need it most.

It’s the basis of modern therapies like the highly impactful Internal Family Systems. It’s creator Richard Schwartz describes his approach as learning to be a Bodhisattva (someone who has achieved enlightenment but vows to stick around till all are free — arguably this is the relationship of our soul to our personality).

It’s also was understood by mystics like 13th century Persian poet Rumi:

“This being human is a guest house.

Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,

some momentary awareness comes

as an unexpected visitor

Welcome and entertain them all!

Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,

who violently sweep your house

empty of its furniture,

still, treat each guest honorably.

He may be clearing you out

for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,

meet them at the door laughing,

and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,

because each has been sent

as a guide from beyond.”

When we meet our parts with kindness they feel heard, can change their behaviour and find new, healthy roles. An acutely anxious and hypervigilant part which is social-phobic might change to being ever watchful for opportunities to feel more present and loving, including scheduling time alone to process.

Which parts of you are showing up today? And how can you show them compassion?